Are you an INTERNALIZER?
I know this is a sore subject. Many of us are out there holding the weight of the world inside. More often than not we put on a brave face. We say: "I'm fine! I'm great!". But are we fine? Are we great?
Ummm, I don't think so. One of the reasons we aren't doing well (internally) is we hold in what is bothering us. And my bother I mean pissing us off. People who hold things in are called INTERNALIZERS. The fact is this kind of behavior builds up over time.
Your newest treasure |
Your Mother - The Angel from Heaven |
Why God Why?? |
Your mother takes your new found treasure and leaves the room to put it in the kitchen. Your little face is hot and red. Your feelings of unrealized expectations crushes you. A tear wells up in your little eye. Your lip trembles and you start WAILING. A huge, guttural, loud, screeching cry. Your disappointment runs as deep as the largest ocean in the world. You will never forgive this evil Siren for taking away your treasure from the heavens. Only someone who is inherently evil and ruthless would break the heart of a little baby. You will never forgive her! You will never speak of this pain again, although you will carry it with you forever. AMEN.
Your first disappointment. Your first entry into grudge holding. The first time you choose as a child to internalize a hurt that you perceive is being done to you, is a life changing experience. Your interpretation of this infraction against you is now etched into your psyche forever. The perception that your mother did something to you, that you will never forget stays with you into your adult life.
Internalizer is Born. |
Now that you are a mature adult, (and I use that term loosely) it should come easily to you to verbalize your discontent. Right? (insert Crickets sound here).
Identifying the fact that you may be an INTERNALIZER is the first step of learning HOW TO WIN AN ARGUMENT.
Now what do we do with this new found information? Can you step into admitting that you are an INTERNALIZER?
Take the following Quiz to see if you are a classic INTERNALIZER. Click here to take the quiz: ARE YOU AN INTERNALIZER ONLINE QUIZ.
Here is the rub: (EXTERNALIZERS don't have a problem with confrontation or arguments, however I will address them in another blog post because they may not shy away from arguments but they most often don't win the argument. Or they win by using abusive tactics which I do not sanction). More on that later.
Are you a CLASSIC INTERNALIZER? or are you an INTERNALIZER LIGHT? Either way, if you are holding onto your feelings, you are hurting yourself.
On your path to learning HOW TO WIN AN ARGUMENT, you have to confront yourself first. I know, I know you hate confrontation. But follow me on this. Confront yourself first.
Admitting you are an INTERNALIZER is the first step towards being able to WIN ARGUMENTS. Rest assured that the techniques you learn here with me will never, under any circumstances leave the other person feeling verbally assaulted or abused. Actually what it will do is make them think. If you make them stop and think, you have disarmed them. Disarming your opponent is the key to winning arguments.
In my next post I will give you Step 2 on HOW TO WIN AN ARGUMENT! Talk to you guys soon! ---- Michaela
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